


i know; i saw

by emozionedapoco



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Feelings Realization, Introspection, M/M, No Dialogue, Pining, Short & Sweet, Slow Burn, Sort Of, also sort of, at least I hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29001285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emozionedapoco/pseuds/emozionedapoco
Summary: It's not easy, to describe what he and Alfie have got going on. It's not easy because what they have doesn't have a definition, not to Tommy's knowledge.
Relationships: Tommy Shelby/Alfie Solomons
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	i know; i saw

**Author's Note:**

> This is set from around the end of season 2 to the end of season 4, even if there is no actual reference to any of the events from the show; it's basically that period of time between the seasons when they're business partner and it's fairly safe to assume they meet regularly. Just a warning, English is not my first language so even though I did proofread this I apologize in advance for any mistake. Hope you like it!

It's not easy, to describe what he and Alfie have got going on. It's not easy because what they have doesn't have a definition, not to Tommy's knowledge.

They're business partners, sure, and constantly on thin ice when it comes to that. Tommy has learnt better than to actually trust Alfie after the second or the third time he’d deceived or misled him, he can't quite remember.

And then, they're also- they're not friends, no. But sometimes, if their business discussions drag on too much and they reach the evening, Alfie will stand up from his chair with a grunt and tell him about this restaurant just down the road and how he's just feeling like having a nice bowl of soup, which apparently said restaurant serves amazingly hot, and Tommy will take the hint and stand up as well, putting on his coat. They don't talk on the way there, but they do once they sit down, and Tommy doesn't even realize how deep in conversation they are (or rather, how focused he is on listening to Alfie's ramblings, because he doesn’t know how to speak as much as Alfie does, wouldn’t know what to say,) until a waiter interrupts them.

Some other times, Ollie will bring in a tray with two cups and a teapot and set it hastily on the table. Alfie will interrupt one of his ramblings about how _one just can’t find the right crates for rum these days, mate_ or his biblically metaphorical, thinly veiled threat and ask him just how much sugar he'd _like in his tea, Tom_ , even if he hasn't asked for tea in the first place. Tommy will tell him, because why not, because it's Alfie and it's better to indulge him, and as the boiling tea scalds their tongues business becomes a distant reality as Tommy focuses on the sound of the rain outside. Alfie won't talk while drinking his tea, but Tommy can see him watching him, studying him intently with glittering eyes like one would study a puzzle they can't solve.

And it's- nice, both when they talk and when they don't. It's peaceful, even, because Alfie may be a madman and as far from a trustworthy business partner as possible if Tommy has ever seen one, but he gets Tommy. He doesn't understand how the other does it, but the tea always comes when Tommy has spent the days before screaming his throat raw and the invitation to dinner arrives methodically during those days when memories hunt his every thought and Tommy feels grateful even if he doesn’t know how to say it and hopes Alfie can see it in the way Tommy’s shoulders relax whenever they stop talking about business, how he lets his eyes go less guarded.

Alfie doesn't smoke and he doesn't like his employees to do so either, but he lets Tommy do it in his office, in the tunnels of his bakery; he doesn't drink, but he's ready to offer him a glass of something every time Tommy comes to the bakery; sometimes Alfie puts down his teacup and tells him about this book he's reading and how apparently the author is completely fucked in the head; Alfie pays for every dinner, cause Tommy's his guest, _yeah mate that's what you are_ , and no one has ever paid him dinner before and that's when he realises that business partners is not an accurate description of the two of them anymore.

.

He'd thought about calling Alfie his friend, but for some reason it doesn't seem quite right, not after Tommy notices that when they drink tea in Alfie's office and it's not raining outside, the sunlight shines brightly on Alfie's face and Tommy's unable to tear his eyes away from the sharp clearness of the other man's eyes.

And besides, friends implies a level of thrust that Tommy doesn't feel towards Alfie, not when they talk business.

When they don't it's different, however, and it’s not trust but it’s something close to it. When they don't Tommy feels seen, in a way, and Alfie's a madman but he's the closest thing to someone like him that Tommy has ever met.

They know the war and they know violence and mercy but they also know honor and how it has no place in what they did and what they do; they know money and strategies and enemies and allies, they know how to threaten and how to reassure and how to find each other in the middle even when it seems neither of them will budge; they know what it feels like to be looked at in disgust because of where they come from, who they are.

They're not so different, him and Alfie, not in the ways that matter. And it's a good thought, that, because sometimes Tommy thinks there's no hope for him left and then he remembers that he can see hope in Alfie behind the character he puts up when he's at work, which is not really a character but that's a story for another day, and he rests easy at least for a while.

(And sometimes on their way to dinner Alfie pets a dog and shushes him with a voice that would sing a child to sleep and Tommy hopes that there's still space for that in him as well. He thinks there might be, because when he hears Alfie speak like that a softness he hasn't felt in years fills him, and he's quick to light a cigarette and let the smoke burn it from his chest.

And then Alfie turns to him from where he's crouched down next to the dog and he smiles at him, a radiant thing Tommy's never seen on him during any other situation, and he thinks no one's looked at him that way in such a long time and it's so fucking absurd that A _lfie Solomons_ ' the one doing it. He doesn't smile back, but he lets his eyes go soft. the cigarette burns on his lips and the moment vanishes as some passerbies nearby laugh loudly, but it stays on Tommy's mind all the way through dinner.)

.

And then one time Tommy's car breaks down in front of the bakery as he's about to go to his hotel, and instead of letting him call for a taxi Alfie insists that he rides with him, that his car will be safe for the night and he’ll have it fixed for him in the morning. Tommy accepts with a sigh and a shrug and Alfie grins and opens the door for him and Tommy wants to look at him and ask _what the fuck are you doing, Alfie_ , but he’s tired and he doesn’t. In the car they sit too close and their thighs touch and Alfie's warm and Tommy wants to put a hand on his knee and feel the warmth there but he doesn't and he almost laughs as Alfie curses the driver in seemingly seven different languages for almost having them killed at an intersection and when they reach the hotel Tommy gets out of the car and Alfie says "Stay safe, Tom", in that strange, knowing way of his and Tommy stands there for a few seconds, still drawn in by Alfie even as the car drives away, until a clerk from the hotel asks him if he's alright and Tommy thinks that he should be, except he isn't. Or perhaps the opposite. It's difficult to tell, these days.

.

He accompanies Ada to Freddie's grave, one day. He turns away and smokes a cigarette as she cries, holding Karl to her chest. When they're going back to the car he puts a hand on her shoulder, wants to reassure her, to make her see that he's there, but she looks up at him, surprised, and it's true that Tommy hasn't done something like that in a long time and then he remembers that's exactly what Alfie had done that time Tommy had told him he'd had to put down one of his horses and how comforting it had felt. He curses.

.

Alfie calls him sweetie once. Tommy spends the whole night thinking about it.

.

He doesn't know how they got there. He doesn't know why he suddenly finds himself thinking about how come Alfie hasn't found a girl to marry yet with the face he has. It’s not right that he’s even noticed Alfie’s face, it’s not right at all, but Tommy doesn’t care, because nothing had ever gone the right way with Alfie ever since their first meeting, when Tommy had gone in expecting to meet an eccentric Jewish gangster and was instead met with a madman pointing a gun to his head without shooting and rambling about cabinets and Timbuktu.

It's not what it was supposed to be, it never was. Alfie was supposed to stay _Solomons_ and nothing more in his mind than the Peaky’s business partner and ally in London. Now he's everything other than that, because Alfie doesn’t know how to be predictable and because Tommy can't trust him in business (he does anyway, because he sees no reason not to, and there's probably something to worry about right there, yet he doesn't mind) but he can trust him to understand when he needs to be distracted and when he needs to be challenged and it's disturbing to think how much he's let Alfie see of himself.

Except he hadn't ever let him see anything, had never given anything away; Alfie'd just seen him. Alfie had seen him and he’d taken and Tommy hadn't even understood it, at the beginning, and when he had he'd just gone with the flow.

And then at the Garrison someone speaks of Alfie as "That crazy bastard, he's volatile as a bird I tell you, changes his mind every fucking second without any reason behind it," and Tommy catches the urge to correct the man just in time and shoves it back in his throat. _There's always a reason behind Alfie's changes_ , he wanted to say, _it’s just never what you’re expecting_ , and that's when he realises that it goes both ways; Alfie sees him, and he sees Alfie.

It's only then that he understands the dogs and the conversations at dinner and the time Alfie had told him everything about his family and the tea and the books; Alfie had taken, but he'd also given, had let Tommy see him, and he half smiles at the realization.

The others at the table don't seem to notice.

.

It feels strangely intimate, the next time the meet, now that Tommy’s aware of the fact that they’re on even ground, they've always been. As usual, it's for business, because they never meet for any other reason, except nowadays business is the thing they discuss the least, even if they still do. But as Tommy sits and Alfie offers him a whisky, he gets the sudden urge to smile as he accepts because Alfie does his usual tap-tap against the drawer before opening it and Tommy feels serene.

It's Alfie; they've known each other and met almost weekly for two years, now. Tommy's always the one who comes to Alfie because Alfie hates Birmingham and long car drives and Tommy doesn't mind London and likes driving, and it's weird and absurd that they fit when they weren’t, aren't supposed to and Tommy's fairly sure even Alfie's future-seeing glasses hadn't allowed him to see what they'd eventually become when he'd invited him to break bread together. And it still doesn't have a name, what they have, what they are to each other, but as Alfie pours just the right amount of whiskey Tommy thinks that _it's Alfie_ and he smiles, and it feels foreign to his lips when he's not drunk and then he sees Alfie staring at him, confused, surprised, because he knows him and he knows Tommy doesn't smile, not without meaning something else entirely, and he asks him if he's alright, _sweetie_ , and Tommy tells him to call him that again and thinks that given time, they'll find the right name.

**Author's Note:**

> I've always like the idea of a character "seeing" the other, and this two fit perfectly even with their quotes and their whole "he's the only one that actually understand him" sort of thing they have going on in the show. I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for having read it!


End file.
